That may seem to be
a simplistic question because everyone needs relationships. Our friends,
family, co-workers, and “significant other” represent the fabric of our
lives. From my vantage point it seems that many people with whom I talk
behave as if it is not the most important consideration. Yet, if relationships
were vital to our survival, why wouldn’t we learn all we could in order
to assure that we will be effective in securing and maintaining them successfully?
Some client charts
reveal that a primary relationship is valued above all else. They may
know how to sustain them or they may not: they will keep trying. Others
are so focused upon career and their own personal goals that family and
“one on one” relationships such as friendship and marriage are seen as
separate departments of life to be handled in a way that supports personal
goals. For example: “Now I have my children; my family, I can concentrate
on other important things”.
The Importance of
Themes in Chart Comparison:
An Astrologer looks
for “themes” in a chart based upon several factors. One factor that I
will emphasize here is the elemental balance. Refer to #003 Insights article,
“Summing Up Our Communication Styles” which describes the importance of
the elements: Fire Earth, Air, and Water.
Fire:
. The Fire element,
as a theme, will indicate a “me first”, playful, energetic, and adventuresome
nature of the individual. The person with a strong Fire component needs
to find someone who is comfortable with this vital energy and doesn’t
feel left out or discounted. In fact, it can be the spark that keeps the
fires burning.
Earth:
The Earth element,
as a theme, is much more practical and tends to focus on “the facts” as
generally supported by the establishment. This can pose a problem if the
partner is looking for someone who likes to discuss possibilities and
“what ifs” and feels weighted down by too much “reality”.
Air:
The Air element,
as a theme, is interested in ideas, communicating through much conversation,
curious, and questioning everything. They need many kinds of relationships
in order to have a ready supply of partners for discussion. If the potential
partner is inclined to answer in monosyllables and wander out of the room
when the Air dominant person is talking, some kind of adjustment must
be made. (There is always the possibility that the Air person will not
notice the lack of response).
Water
The Water element,
as a theme, is emotionally driven even when they are unaware of the fact.
They are imaginative, sensitive to their surroundings, nurturing, and
some times compassionate. They may have such strong “family issues” that
if the other person cannot fit into the existing family unit, they will
be considered unsuitable. If the potential partner is inclined to “tell
it like it is”, to demand quick responses and be turned off by tears and/or
sulking, the closeness factor may be missing.
Some needs cannot
be classified as themes. Specific needs can be the compelling reason for
maintaining a relationship. If an individual needs a partner who can lend
a helping hand in business, or enhance them as a couple in social or political
situations, a primary quality for a partner may be people skills and looking
good. Still others are looking for someone able to stand on their own
feet, have career interests of their own or be so focused on rearing a
family that long absences from the family hearth are completely acceptable.
It would be a mistake
to gather from my comments that it is desirable for partners to be alike
with similar goals. Opposites do attract each other. However, it is also
true that “like attracts like”. If you learn that you have a lot of squares
and oppositions (challenging aspects) between your chart and that of someone
with whom you wish to achieve harmony, do not be discouraged. Knowledge
is a powerful ally. Over time you can overcome many differences in style
or themes. It is often more stimulating to interact with someone who shows
you another way of viewing the world.
You may know couples
that are celebrating Silver and Gold Anniversaries even though they are
quite different in their approach to life. They will tell you that in
the really important core values (as they saw them) they agreed. When
asked for an explanation for what it takes for a good relationship, I
often hear that they consider the other person to be their best friend.
So that is a good place to start.
