The mystery: What
happens between “madly in love” and “should I get a divorce?” This switch
in feelings can occur at any time from weeks after the wedding to years
later when the children are safely on their own and one or both of the
partners see the possibility of “freedom” just up ahead.
My clients bring
this issue to me often. At that point I get out my Sherlock Holmes hat
and magnifying glass and begin to examine the clues. Fortunately for me,
Astrology provides lots of clues. Sometimes it is necessary to go back
to the earliest days of the person’s life. In other cases it may be a
temporary situation brought about by a job loss, death in the family,
or debt that has gotten out of hand.
Today we will examine
an example of love gone awry and what the charts reveal about possible
causes.
The following examples
are “composites” – not real people.
Chapter I
This relationship
should have been “made in heaven” and perhaps it was. Bill and Cindy
met at a football game. Bill says he knew immediately that this was the
woman he wanted to marry one day. Cindy was impressed but was thinking
of a date to the prom, not marriage. However, soon after they met, they
became an item on campus. At Christmas they became engaged and a decision
was made to wait until graduation before setting the date.
Chapter 2. Cindy
has come to my office at the urging of her best friend. She has been married
three years and is pregnant with her first child. It is clear that she
is not a happy person. She was born in July and her Sun is in the sign
Cancer. Motherhood and close family ties are central to many Cancer natives.
The chart in front of me shows her Moon is in Libra, which places the
emphasis upon relationships. She has a mate and is about to become a mother.
That fulfills the dream, right? Not quite.
Cancer principles
and Libra principles can clash on the details when it comes to priorities.
The detective in me examines the relationship between Cindy and her Mother,
(Moon) What had she been told about relationships, like marriage, by her
mother? In fact, what was the family pattern from her grandmother? (Mother’s
mother) From an early age, Cindy was sensitive to harmonious surroundings.
She preferred dresses to jeans, colors that matched, and beauty in all
forms. She followed her mother’s direction about being polite and well
behaved. (Libra) This paid off in extra attention and praise for being
so “Nice”. In many subtle ways the message was: Beautiful is better.
Be nice and do not hurt anyone’s feelings.
Chapter 3.
I asked the obvious
question, “When did you first realize that your relationship with your
husband was in trouble? She began to cry. “Several months before the
wedding”, was the reply. I am aware that for a person born in the sign
Cancer, the family pattern and the Mother’s influence is very strong.
It seemed logical to Cindy that she could not disappoint her Mother and
her family by backing out of the wedding. Plans had been made, people
had been invited, and anyway she couldn’t hurt her fiancé, Bill. Further,
Cindy really did “like” Bill and he had promised her that they would buy
a house within a year. Cancer needs a home of their own as a safe haven
from the world.
Conclusion:
The outcome is not
as bleak as it seems. Bill had many of the qualities that Cindy admired
and she knew he loved her deeply. When she began to examine a different
set of values as a foundation for love, she began to discover that the
first rush of romantic feelings toward Bill was returning. Only this time
it was not based on superficial issues about looking good to her friends
(Bill was very popular), having a beautiful wedding and a home of her
own.
This issue is only
one of the many factors that we considered in putting Cindy and Bill back
on the path to a sound marriage. Bill was eager to take Cindy’s need
for beauty and harmony in her home into account. Examining the misconceptions
of her childhood averted a tragedy. Her Mother was a loving and supportive
parent and was quite shocked when she learned how Cindy had perceived
their relationship. The happy ending includes a better relationship between
mother and daughter. Both are determined to pass on what they have learned
to the ‘new person’ in the family.
Next week: Can this
relationship survive a family crisis?
